For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?

IT is iimportant that you understand the language used online today...here are some clues as to what you are reading in the ads:


DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN%26#039;S PERSONAL ADS





40-ish - 49


Adventurous - Slept with everyone


Athletic - No ****


Average looking - Ugly


Beautiful - Pathological liar


Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills


Emotionally secure - On medication


Feminist - Fat


Free spirit - Junkie


Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person


Fun - Annoying


New Age - Body hair in the wrong places


Open-minded - Desperate


Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing


Passionate - Sloppy drunk


Professional - *****


Voluptuous - Very Fat


Large frame - Hugely Fat


Wants Soul mate - Stalker





WOMEN%26#039;S ENGLISH





1. Yes = No


2. No = Yes


3. Maybe = No


4. We need = I want


5. I am sorry = you%26#039;ll be sorry


6. We need to talk = you%26#039;re in trouble


7. Sure, go ahead = you better not


8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later


9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!


10. You%26#039;re very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?





MEN%26#039;S ENGLISH





1. I am hungry = I am hungry


2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy


3. I am tired = I am tired


4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!


5. I love you = let%26#039;s have sex now


6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?


7. May I have this dance? = I%26#039;d like to have sex with you


8. Can I call you sometime? = I%26#039;d like to have sex with you


9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I%26#039;d like to have sex with you


10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I%26#039;d like to have sex with you


11. Those shoes don%26#039;t go with that outfit = I%26#039;m gay





And finally.....





A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.


For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.


However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside

For those who are single and looking, would you like some advice?
GW! As Jggly Jugs says, you are a font of knowledge. WHAT would we do without you? I was just going to get my 360 up and running, actually it%26#039;s up, but as usual, I can never think of what to say about me.





Now I know WHAT NOT TO SAY! Like the song says:- %26quot;Just in time, you came just in time%26quot;, to save my.....
Reply:You know, laughter is the best medicine.





Sure is a whole lot better than Morphine!





Thanks for sharing the love.
Reply:A lot of those personal ads need taking with a large pinch of salt.ie Gorgeous attractive adventurous female? so why are you advertising surely the blokes are queueing up?
Reply:This has got to be THE most informative postings I have ever read -- gonna cubby hole this sucker away for posterity.





nyuk nyuk ;0] --thanks
Reply:What, no humor. Really, very funny.
Reply:Sure makes me glad I am married and do not have to try and figure out if any of it is true. So funny ]=)
Reply:I like bananas.
Reply:That is wild-love it.


That headache of your must be getting better.
Reply:My, my but you%26#039;re in a strange mood this morning! LOL!
Reply:You are truly lifting my mood this a.m.! :-)
Reply:ROFLMAO!!! I am single but thanks to personal ads like the ones you mention, I am no longer looking! At least not that hard! But come on be fair, are men really any more honest in thoses things than women?
Reply:I hope Wally sees this as it might help him decipher modern online dating habits and language.
Reply:GW,





Thank you for your words of wisdom today. Best laugh I%26#039;ve had all weekend.
Reply:Lmao THANK YOU..


I now know we%26#039;re I%26#039;ve been going wrong. I will try to be more clear in future. lol
Reply:once again you have shown yourself to be the font of all wisdom, the object of our dreams and the pain in our necks.





LOL
Reply:That pretty much says it all.
Reply:For future references, I can say that I%26#039;m a fun open-minded passionate, who wants a soul mate. You are a great help, Goldwing. THANK YOU!
Reply:Goldwing! it sounds like you are on medication. I Love your dry sense of humour when you are being serious but today you are absolutely, positively ,hilarious . ROFL!!!
Reply:I love this it%26#039;s too funny thanks for the laugh.
Reply:lmao. Please stop being so entertaining as I need to switch off and you are tempting me to stay here. In the uk it%26#039;s lunch time and I haven%26#039;t even put the roast in the oven yet!





hugs x
Reply:I will add the one I found out about in online dating





Naturist=buck nekkid (this is opposed to naked) Southern Nekkid means the %26quot;nasty%26quot;





LOL
Reply:That%26#039;s the funniest thing I%26#039;ve read on here all week. I think I%26#039;ll go tell my wife I%26#039;m bored and I love her.....thanks!
Reply:my oh my aren%26#039;t you full of piss and vinegar today ?!!!!!





keep them coming





i see our %26quot;friend%26quot; is back -- good to see you !!!
Reply:Sounds like I need to go look over my profile!..lol



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