Jokes for the girls?

MEN JOKES!





What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?


Forty-five Minutes





What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband?


Thank her.





When do you care for a man%26#039;s company?


When he owns it.





Why do men get married??


So they don%26#039;t have to hold their stomachs in anymore





What do men and used cars have in common?


They are both easy to get, cheap, and totally unrealiable.





Why are men like the weather.


Nothing can be done to change either of them.





What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?


A fairy tale.





What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?


You didn%26#039;t hold the pillow down long enough.





What should you give a man who has everything?


A woman to show him how to use it.





Why are blonde jokes so short?


So men can remember them.





How do men exercise on the beach?


By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a pretty girl.





How do you get a man to stop nibling his nails?


Make him wear shoes.





What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?


Gifted!





How does a man plan for the future?


He subscribes to two years of playboy instead of one.





Why do men whistle when they%26#039;re sitting on the toilet?


Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.





Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?


Because if they all went, it would be Hell.





How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?


All he%26#039;s concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.





Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?


When it%26#039;s time to go back to his childhood, he%26#039;s already there.





How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about how good he screws.





How many men does it take to tile a bathroom?


Only one. If you slice him very thinly.





What did God say after creating man?


Geez...I can do better than that!





What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?


Any place with eating utensils and chairs.





What do you call a handcuffed man?


Trustworthy.





What do men and mascara have in common?


They both run when women cry!





What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?


His wife picked his clothes!





What has ten arms and an IQ of 50?


Five guys watching a football game.





What is the difference between men and women?


A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.





What%26#039;s a man%26#039;s idea of honestly in a relationship?


Telling you his real name.





What%26#039;s the best way to force a man to do sit ups?


Put the remote control between his toes.





What%26#039;s the best way to torture a man to death?


Put a sexy blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him he can only pick one.





What%26#039;s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man?


Big Foot%26#039;s been spotted several times.





What%26#039;s the smartest thing a man can say?


%26quot;My wife says...%26quot;





What%26#039;s the quickest way to a man%26#039;s heart?


Straight through the rib cage.





Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?


So men can understand them.





Why can%26#039;t men get mad cow disease?


Because they%26#039;re all pigs.





Why did God create man before woman?


Practice makes perfect!





Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?


To stop the snoring before it starts.





Why do little boys whine?


Because they are practicing to be men.





Why do men like smart women?


Opposites attract.





Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?


Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.





What do you say when you find a sensitive caring man?


Hello, how%26#039;s your boyfriend?





Now,would u mind giving me a star if u like it?Thanx!

Jokes for the girls?
Stop the Hate!





All this man bashing is making me feel inadequate!





Guess I%26#039;ll have to fight back then:











How many men does it take to open a beer?





- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.





Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?





- Because a woman who can%26#039;t afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.





Why do women have smaller feet than men?





- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.





How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?





- She starts her sentence with %26quot;A man once told me...%26quot;





How do you fix a woman%26#039;s watch?





- It doesn%26#039;t matter. There is a clock on the oven.





Why do men break wind more than women?





- Because women can%26#039;t shut up long enough to build up the pressure.





If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?





- The dog. He%26#039;ll shut up once you let him in.





What%26#039;s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?





- A woman that won%26#039;t do what she%26#039;s told.





I married Miss Right.





- I just didn%26#039;t know her first name was Always.





I haven%26#039;t spoken to my wife for 18 months!





- I don%26#039;t like to interrupt her.





Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman%26#039;s sex drive by up to 90%.





- It%26#039;s called wedding cake.





Marriage is a three ring circus:





- Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.





My wife asked me %26quot;What%26#039;s on the TV?%26quot;





- I said, %26quot;Dust!%26quot;





In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.





- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.





Why do men die before their wives?





- They want to.





A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds section with the heading %26quot;Wife Wanted.%26quot;





- The next day he received a hundred letters saying %26quot;You can have mine.%26quot;
Reply:THAT IS FUNNY!!!! I like the phsycho analysis one, and the %26quot;practice makes perfect%26quot;. I%26#039;m sharing these with my friends.
Reply:I don%26#039;t get it?
Reply:WOW THOSE WERE GOOD! and so true =]
Reply:thts funny!!!
Reply:GURL that was hilarious (and true)!!! i gave you a star! ^_^
Reply:LAME
Reply:lol
Reply:so true!!!!
Reply:I like the dudes jokes and yours to. but I%26#039;m a guy and I gotta stick with my bro


what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?


nothing, you already told her twice!





what do you do if you see your wife staggering around in the backyard?


reload!
Reply:HILARIOUS JOKES. i gave u 1 star. i wish i could put more stars.
Reply:What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?


Forty-five Minutes?





Sorry but it is about the same for both
Reply:Ahahaha! Thanks so much..I have 2 finals tomorrow and I really needed that!!



skin whitening