How do I get over this?

I can%26#039;t stand one of my bridesmaids and it really bothers me that she will be in my wedding. The thing is she%26#039;s my fiance%26#039;s best friend(and best man%26#039;s fiance) and we all used to hang out all the time and it was fantastic we all got along so well so naturally I thought well wouldnt it be great if she were in the wedding too since her finace is. Well she has completely changed since then...she gets aggrevated with me cuz my wedding is %26quot;fancier%26quot; she wont help with anything, she hasnt given my sis(MOH) the money for the shower, she complained about the price of the dresses (140 dollars...which I thought was reasonable) especially since they can wear any shoes they want and their hair is free, I%26#039;m also not having a %26quot;typical%26quot; bachelorette party so no money spent there either. So we dont really talk or hang out anymore...I dunno I%26#039;m just upset over the whole thing and I can%26#039;t do anything...how can I get over this

How do I get over this?
$140 is the cheaper side of the dress range as i have seen it.


with all the free things maybe it%26#039;s just a matter that she is a bit jealous.





i would talk to her about it and let her know what%26#039;s bothering you.





maybe she doesn%26#039;t realize how catty she is being right now.


if you guys are planning at the same time and she%26#039;s seeing what you are doing and if she can%26#039;t keep up with the jones%26#039; that might be fueling her %26#039;zilla-ness.





don%26#039;t exclude her from your life completely. it will only fuel problems down the line. she can use that against you. %26quot;well how i am supposed to be in your wedding if you never talk to me or tell me what%26#039;s going on...%26quot;


it can snowball on you...





really talk to her and hash it all out. have her over for dinner do it in private at your home. it might get ugly and then again it might be a mild storm that blows over and you end up best of buds again.
Reply:Talk to this girl to see if she still wants to be in the wedding. Maybe she cannot afford to pay for the dress or just changed her mind about participating in the wedding. If it is not too late, let her back out and find someone who would be honored to be in your wedding. There is no sense in making your special day miserable because of one person. If the dress is ordered already, maybe it can be altered to fit someone else. If she still wants to participate, ask her politely, what is wrong. Maybe she is having personal problems or financial problems that you may be able to help with. If the cost of the dress is too much at this time, maybe you could offer to pay part of it with the agreement that she pays you back at a later time. Sometimes people are excited to be asked to be in a wedding, then realize later on that there are costs associated with being in the wedding that can become quite high. Let her back out if she wants to. If she still wants to be in the wedding, and you do not want her in it anymore, offer to reimburse her for any expenses she has incurred and get someone else to do the honors.
Reply:Is it possible she%26#039;s jealous because you have a larger budget for your wedding than she has for hers? Did they get engaged before you and your fiance did? She might be jealous that she was engaged first but you get to get married first and all the attention will be on you. I don%26#039;t think the dress cost is too high and if she is hosting the shower, she should contribute. Maybe this is adding up to more money than she originally thought and is having a tough time coming up with it since she is spending money on her own wedding. Take her for lunch or coffee and talk to her about it. If she needs a bit of help, offer to pay part of the dress to help her out. This also gives her the chance to step down if she wishes. Good luck.
Reply:She just sounds like she is really jealous of either you and your fiance in general, or jealous of the fact that maybe your wedding will be fancier than hers. Maybe you should sit her down and talk to her and see exactly what the deal is, i mean, what can it possibly hurt, since you two aren%26#039;t exactly getting along so great right now. I went through this a bit myself, I kept comparing my wedding to everyone else%26#039;s I had been to and kept thinking that they would think less of me b/c I am spending less money then they did. I finally just had to realize that I needed to have the type of wedding that my fiance and I can afford b/c we are paying ourselves, once I finally realized that, I stopped worrying what other people would think or say. So maybe she is just thinking people will think her wedding was not as good as yours. Just talk to her about it, ask her what%26#039;s wrong and how you two can fix this.
Reply:Sounds like she is jealous. The dress sounded a little expensive but there is nothing else she needs to pay for, what is her problem? I would just nicely confront her. She may not even know what she is doing. Ask your fiancee if she is having issues with her fiancee. She just sounds unhappy. And from my understanding she doesnt have to give money for the shower or bachelorette party. Just maybe get an idea from her fiancee and see if he can help you out. But honestly I just think she is jealous.
Reply:And that%26#039;s why it is better to have fewer bridesmaids and stick with sisters or VERY best, longtime friends. Lesson learned too late for you unfortunately. The best thing you can do now is show how mature you are and deal with the situation the best you can. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life so concentrate on the other bridesmaids, your wonderful fiance, your beautiful gown and your future life. Remind yourself that there will be 200 other people there who love you to pieces and that after that one day she can drop off the face of the earth. BEG your sister to run interference and whenever ANYTHING comes up, let sis handle it. Promise her a spa day as a reward for keeping you and Ms. Uncongeniality apart. Don%26#039;t let this one person%26#039;s bad manners give you a nervous rash. Remind yourself constantly of the good things you once liked about her and just try to be calm, cool and collected for the sake of your fiance. If you remain a %26quot;lady%26quot;, he will soon see what a witch his so-called best friend has become. HE LOVES YOU so he will not appreciate anyone hurting you. Just don%26#039;t become a nag or a whiner in front of him and he%26#039;ll value you even more!! Good luck, sweetie. Be strong and be the best darn bridesmaid for HER that you can be to really show her who%26#039;s got CLASS.And class costs nothing.
Reply:jus deal with her jealousy until the wedding is over. no use in stressin urself out over it.. heads up, if she asks you to be in her wedding jus b prepared for her to either ***** u around like a dog or she mite not ask u at all... shes jus jealous hunnie... u%26#039;ll prolly get over it after the honeymoon, give her time to realize she was being retarded.
Reply:don%26#039;t stress it . . . i imagine you%26#039;ll be friends in the future. it just sounds like she%26#039;s a little jealous. i bet once all the wedding extravaganza is over, she go back to her normal self . . . and you two will get along again. just tolerate her for the time being . . . and if she%26#039;s still a ***** in the future, chuck her.
Reply:Kazacan44:





Thanks for making the observation about the use of the word %26quot;retarded.%26quot; It drives me crazy when people do that.





As my mother has always said, those who are retarded are not ignorant by choice. Those who use the word %26quot;retarded%26quot; as an insult, however, are.
Reply:k same thing happened to me i needed an extra girl for our wedding and the girls i wanted to take that spot none of them had the money the dress was about 160 i didnt care about the shoes as long as they matched (our colors where apple and black so black shoes) so my hubby was all lets use this chick it was a friend of his i said fine i didnt know her at the time. so my fiance paid for her dress and she never paid him back that got me mad 1st. she was always rude to me so i just ignored it all together. then wedding day is here and we where all in the hotel room gettin ready and when i went to get ready i nicely asked her can you go to the room where the guys are because i want to have it be %26quot;intimate%26quot; just me my mom my grandma sister and 2 best friends in the room. i told her no offence to you or anything but i just want it to be us. she said im not ready yet so i said ok fine do you mind leavin when you are done (mind it its not her hotel room) she said ok and was sittin in the room talkin on the phone the whole time and wouldnt leave. i had to get ready i had no choice and just got ready. she never got her hair done ok dont have the money at least straighten it her hair looked like a big puff ball at the wedding and she wore no make up at all. i was FUMING!!!! but we had a great wedding and i havent talked to her or seen her since. i got over it that day and not to be mean but most of the pictures she got photoshopped out of. just dont stress about it be the bigger person no matter how hard it is because i know it took every bone in my body not to kill this one girl in our wedding. and since the wedding day (she was friends with my hubby about 15 years) she hasnt talked to either one of us.
Reply:Take a deep breath. Reality isn%26#039;t always what you dream it will be. You wanted to plan your weddings together but obviously that%26#039;s not going to happen so let that fantasy go. Go ahead and plan your wedding the way you want it. The fact that she hasn%26#039;t paid for the shower yet isn%26#039;t your problem it%26#039;s your sister%26#039;s. Your sister shouldn%26#039;t have even mentioned it to you because there%26#039;s nothing you can do about it. Don%26#039;t try to include her in the planning or anything else because it%26#039;s not going to work. Just be happy that when the weddings over, it%26#039;s over and you won%26#039;t have to deal with her anymore. If you still want to be in her wedding, then I would do whatever your financial responsibilities are and nothing more. I wouldn%26#039;t bend over backwards to help her with the planning or anything else. I would pay for what you have to pay for and show up for the wedding. Remember gifts are optional.



flower